I'm Sort Of An Expert: January 2014

I had a co-worker approach me about what I eat. They heard I was a healthy eater but at the same time I don’t deny myself. I told them that I take pride in myself that I invented my own healthy diet. Remember, I’m sort of an expert on many things. Here it is:

I view it as a healthy diet that doesn’t deny you anything. I really don’t want to deny myself anything but I want to remain sort of healthy. This diet probably won’t help you lose any weight but should make you healthier.

The diet leans heavily towards Kale, broccoli, turkey, almonds, and potatoes.

After the schedule see special rules that helps you get through the week.

I’ll start with the work week.

Monday and Wednesday are the exact same:

Breakfast: 1 apple and 1 granola bar. Drink any unsweetened tea you want. Herbal, black, or green. Whatever type of tea you want minus the sugar. Skip the fruit juice.

Lunch: Chicken with brown rice. Fry the chicken in olive oil. 1 apple. A non sugar/non diet drink. Iced tea/ice water. Anything “diet” is forbidden with this diet.

Dinner: Mix kale with broccoli, peppers, and carrots. How much? As much as you can handle.

Almonds on the side. Blue Diamond has all kinds of flavored almonds. Those are great. Eat as many almonds as you want.

Later cook some potatoes in olive oil. Season them with whatever. I like Jane’s Krazy salt and some cracked pepper. Don’t go nuts with the potatoes. 4 very small ones or 2 medium ones. You get the picture.

You’re done. No more food. Water until you go to bed.

Tuesday and Thursday are the exact same:

Breakfast: 1 apple and 1 granola bar. Drink any unsweetened tea you want. Herbal, black, or green. Whatever type of tea you want minus the sugar. Skip the fruit juice.

Lunch: Chicken with brown rice. Fry the chicken in olive oil. 1 apple. A non sugar/non diet drink. Iced tea/ice water. Anything “diet” is forbidden with this diet.

Dinner: 1 bowl of “healthy” cereal with almond milk. I like Basic 4 or Almond Crunch. No, you can’t have Apple Jacks or Captain Crunch. Then I eat 2 pieces of homemade multigrain bread. I put honey and butter on the pieces of bread. If you are still hungry eat some almonds and drink water. Fun time comes on the weekends.

You’re done. No more food. Water until you go to bed.

Friday:

Breakfast: 1 apple and 1 granola bar. Drink any unsweetened tea you want. Herbal, black, or green. Whatever type of tea you want minus the sugar. Skip the fruit juice.

Lunch: Chicken with brown rice. Fry the chicken in olive oil. 1 apple. A non sugar/non diet drink. Iced tea/ice water. Anything “diet” is forbidden with this diet.

Dinner: Pizza! Yeah Dawg! Want some beer go for it. But no more than 2(See Special Rules).

Saturday:

Breakfast: You want to start your weekend off right. 3 turkey sausage breakfast links. Not pork, turkey. Swine is filthy and full of fat. One of the worst things you can eat is swine. Stay away. 2 eggs anyway you want them and some potatoes. You can now have some juice.

Lunch: Basically anything you want. I always turn to Chinese, Chic Fil A, Penn Station, Bandanas barbeque.

Dinner: Back to the Kale salad with broccoli, green pepper, and carrots. But this time put in some sliced turkey breast. Almonds on the side. Still hungry almonds and water. Still hungry almonds and water.

Sunday:

Lunch: Back to the Kale salad with broccoli, green pepper, and carrots. But this time put in some sliced turkey breast. Almonds on the side. Still hungry almonds and water. Still hungry almonds and water.

Dinner: A roast beef sandwich with chips.

**********Specials Rules************

You are allowed two real sodas a week. You can drink them anytime but you only get two. I save mine for the weekends. If you are an adult and have to constantly have soda it’s time to grow up. I love soda but I also realize it’s poisonous. Two a week, that’s all you need.

3 beers. You can drink them anytime. For me it’s one on Friday and two on Saturday. If you are an adult and you drink beer to get drunk it’s time to grow up. Discover the world of Belgium beers. Drink to discover new tastes.

You can buy 1 bag of chips a week. Once those are gone that’s it.

You can have 2 pieces of chocolate a day. The miniature kind. Not two whole candy bars

Stay away from anything dairy. The butter on the bread is ok. I look at it this way. Do any other animals drink the milk of another animal? Do Lions seek out the milk from a giraffe? NO. Why do humans drink processed milk from cows? It’s full of fat and has zero nutritional value. “It has calcium!” So does fruit and vegetables. Milk is for kids 0-12. That’s it.

If you have a juicer juice 1 orange a day or some other piece of fruit. You only need to juice 1 piece. You can do that once a day. If you don’t have a juicer think about getting one. If not just add one piece of fruit a day to the diet

I mention homemade bread. I have a bread maker. I know that’s not for everybody. If you want to buy bread and not make it you have to get the good multigrain kind.

Stay away from anything frozen or boxed. You noticed most everything is fresh in my diet. If it comes in a box, it’s processed.

I hope this helps some people.

These are blueberry Blue Diamond Almonds. Really good. I like eating and drinking things that are blue.

These are my favorite potatoes. Yukon Gold. If you cook them right they get naturally creamy.

I mentioned Jane's Krazy Salt. You can use it on anything. Fantastic. Sometimes I'll eat it by itself.
Janes Krazy Mixed-Up Salt 4 oz

Here is some Kale. Don't be afraid. It's just some really intense lettuce.

Big fan a Jennie O. They produce great turkey products.
Lean Turkey Breakfast Sausage Links

I love olive oil. When I win the lottery I'm going to bath in it. Then afterwards I would need to take a actual shower.

This is one of the sodas I drink. I refer to it as liquid crack. It's that good.

Coca Cola Vanilla - Vanilla Coke Can 355ml

I'm crusading against attractive women wearing those big thick black dumb glasses. This is a style that some women have adopted that I will never understand. Why would an attractive women wake up in the morning and tell herself, "Yep, these make me look great. On top of that they make me look smarter. People will really take me serious now." Guess what? You look like a damn fool. You look ridiculous. In one year when these glasses go out of style you will ask yourself what were you thinking. Here are some photos of some T.V. personalities that are very attractive but look ridiculous with the big black glasses style.If you need glasses, that's fine. Wear contacts are get some glasses that actually look normal.

S.E. CUPP: WITHOUT

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